How to help your child make a 3-D Solar System
1. Read the absurd instructions carefully, paying close attention to the ‘special notes’ the teacher added. Remember, 95% of this is to be done by your child only.
2. Turn to your 2nd grader and rhetorically ask, “Is she serious?”
3. Read the “How To” guide in the pre-made kit you bought. It will show you how to put balls on a string.
4. Realize that the ‘special notes’ stated that you cannot use just a pre-made kit. You must be creative and inventive.
5. Bang your head against the table as your child gets out all of the art supplies, including the plaster.
6. Mix plaster and form around each planet as quickly as you can, as it sets fast. Oh, make sure you use warm water when mixing, because it won’t tell you on the box.
7. After it has set overnight (on wire cooling racks), paint each plant its precise color using the poster included with the kit as your guide.
8. While the paint dries (possibly overnight), assemble the rest of the kit without throwing the plastic pieces across the room when they don’t fit together right.
9. After they are dried, attach the planets to the flimsy metal wires, in the exact order as shown. Repeat this step over and over again until they are precisely aligned while occasionally grunting, and ranting about the project while trying not to bang your head on the table – again
10. At school, help your child display his masterpiece in the classroom. Smile at the teacher thru clenched teeth, hiding the anger you feel after seeing the 15 pre-made kits on display. Then go home and scream, rant and rave until you feel better.
Special Note: This project, done the correct way, should take you and your child 4 nights, 1-2 hours a night, to complete.